Healing Hurts

Last week I had a patient that I took care of three days in a row. She was younger than myself, overall healthy, but had some unfortunate issues that lead to some pretty serious complications. I feel like in good conscious could tell you that I took great care of her as her nurse. I advocated for her, I discussed with the doctors, I educated and explained things to her, and treated her with kindness and empathy. I also gave her some tough love. As a nurse my job is to do the best that I can for your health, sometimes that means pushing you a little bit. I explained to her that I was going to give a little a tough love my second day with her.

She had been in the hospital for over two weeks and had not done much moving at all post operatively – putting herself at high risk for all kinds of complications. She was refusing many parts of her care claiming that she didn’t feel well. Granted, I know she didn’t feel well. She was vomiting several times a day and hemoglobin was low, meaning she probably felt weak and tired in addition to the nausea and pain. Unfortunately, her not feeling well could turn into a lot of even worse things if she continued to refuse our treatment. Over the course of the three days she and I had some ups and downs. She was easily irritated and if we tried to have her do anything she didn’t want to, she would have a little attitude. There were a few times I ended up giving her some time, and by the time I came back she was fine again. I chalked this up to frustration and weariness of not feeling well and being alone in the hospital for so long. There were times that I sat down and told her all the things that could go wrong and I told her that all I cared about was her getting better and that I wanted to do everything I could to make that happen. I eventually got her up in the chair and I was close to her agreeing to take a walk around the unit with me. I felt like I was earning her trust and making headway with her. I felt excited about the progress.

Then she refused another essential part of her care. Every patient has every right to refuse any kind of care that is presented. My job is to make sure the patient is fully educated and understands risks and benefits. If they are refusing treatment but clearly don’t understand, I talk to them. I came in the room and proceeded to explain. As I said, often when anybody told her something she didn’t want to hear she often become childlike and rude. She said, “You are being so mean and inconsiderate. You are demanding and not compassionate.” I was so shocked and hurt. I felt like I had given her excellent care. And worked hard for her over three days. I took it so personally. I felt so frustrated. It was my third day in a row, I was tired emotionally and physically. I couldn’t believe how she was twisting this and how ungrateful she was. It made me want to be like, ok.. do what you want, if you don’t want to get better…

I honestly, and truly believe I was being kind and empathetic. Yes, there were times I was telling her things she didn’t want to hear. But, as I explained to her calmly and gently, it was because I cared about her getting better. It was in love. I cooled down, I gave her some time again and later she was fine again. Thankfully, I left my shift feeling like she knew I was providing good care and wanted her best interest.

Later, during my devotion, prayer, and quiet time did I glean some teaching from this moment. How often is God doing something for our best interest and we act out. We get mad and lash out at him because we don’t like it, we get irritated at him because we don’t feel well and are frustrated. Its not that God doesn’t feel for our hurt and frustration, but sometimes he may be pushing us through it for our healing. How many times have we misappropriated qualities on the Lord in our anger, blinded by our situation? How often to we want to “lay around” literally or metaphorically and await for better times? We may passively wait and hope for things to get better, when in reality sometimes we need to get ourselves up and push to do something for our own healing and recovery.

Is God pushing you to do something for your healing? Are there any difficult steps do you need to make in order to get better or a better situation? Matthew West has a song called “Truth Be Told”. It talks about how we go around saying we are fine even when we’re not. Life is hard. Even when its good its hard. The first step in progress is admitting when you’re not ok. I encourage you to listen to this song. Slow down and prioritize the time to listen to and speak with God. The beginning of understanding how to grow or heal is by taking the time to hear God’s voice. He will reveal Himself and the steps He needs you to take for your own health and growth. We all need some form of healing in our lives. We are broken people. Like I said, even when life is good, its still hard. And for many during these times life is REALLY hard. It is not until we can recognize our brokenness that we may know what steps we need to take towards growth.

It wasn’t my patient’s fault that she was sick. It wasn’t something that she did that caused her illness. But she did have the choice to take steps to optimize her healing. The healthcare team will not force any care on her. Like her we may not have chosen the situation that we are in, it may not be our fault for pain or brokenness, but there are likely steps we can take to aid our own growth and healing. God is a loving God that gives us choices and gives us knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. He will never force anything on us. Take the essential time for the Lord, I pray He reveals Himself and shows you how you can work towards growth and healing.