Woman in Christ
It is funny how life has such distinct phases. The core of life can change so drastically, sometimes it is as if life’s very identity is transformed. Though all may not think in these exact terms but I believe at our root, our deepest ponderings, all attempt to identify their identity. Some may deny or avoid the questions, but somewhere within all of us I believe we all seek to know who we really are, what are our purposes. Throughout life I feel new phases can bring forth new evaluation of who we are as an individual. It is easy to associate our identity to where we are in life – a student, a wife, a mom, etc. Just over a year and a half ago I entered a new phase of life. Newly married, navigating through the concept of blending my life with another, I have wrestled with questions of my identity.
What does it really mean to be a woman of God? To know who you really are in Christ? When I think of a woman of God I think of virtue, beauty – that deep radiant character kind of beauty, kindness, selflessness, quiet strength, patience, faithfulness… I want so badly to be her. But in reality, I am not. I can be weak and prideful, selfish, impatient and so many other less than desirable qualities. This world defies so many of those beautiful characteristics, does everything to belittle, diminish, mock those qualities. Although I fight against the world, often I fail. I can struggle to know God and remain intimate with him. How can I obtain those traits of a godly woman when this world fights so hard against? What is my identity in God when I constantly fail to become that beautiful, strong, loving woman He desires me to be?
I do not question salvation or the gospel. I believe in Jesus’s saving grace, not faith by works. So this is not a question of striving to be perfect so I can be saved. But yet, out of love for my Savior I want to exude His character, his love, to win souls for His kingdom. In this I can feel bogged down by the weight of my failures, I can feel inadequate – the devil’s handiwork at its finest. At its core, I vulnerably admit that this is a spirit of fear – fear of falling short, failure, inadequacies, not reaching potential, and so forth. This is not of God. This is made clear in 1 Timothy 1:7 as it says, “For God hath not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”.
It is amazing how God works. I wrote most of these thoughts last night lying in bed. It was rough thoughts kind of jumbled together, written sloppily as I was drawing nearer to sleep. It is was mostly questions, I went to sleep with God’s peace but knowing that the thoughts were not fully wrapped, that God had more to say to me. This morning He placed a specific song on my heart, that so perfectly concluded His word to me. It was like the final stamp of His message. (I will share that song in a second.)
I left last night’s thoughts with this: I am still a child of God. As I trudge through this life, while I may not always know who I am or where I am going, I can always know to whom I belong. Though I long to be the epitome of the loving, kind, gentle, strong beautiful woman of God, while I stumble and falter trying to be her, I can rest assured that I am already God’s precious one. When I feel tired and beaten down in this life He wants me to rest in His arms, to know His love is enough. He wants me to know that only when I relax in Him and lay my weary heart in His hands I will continue to become that virtuous woman. I can be sure that His promise is trustworthy, that “He who began a good work in [me] will be faithful to complete it” (Phil 1:6).
My identity is only what my Heavenly Father says it is. It is not my profession, or my hobbies and interests, it is not ministry, not a who I am as a friend and family, not even a wife. While all of those are part of who I am and are important, they are not my identity in Christ. My identity is one who belongs to the Lord. I stumble and fall, I fail and blunder through this life but I am in the Potter’s hands, being molded daily. He is not finished with me yet. Until He is done I will hope in Him. I will continue to pursue and seek His face, His love, and grace. How amazing it is that He “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine”. I can be confident that “according to His power that is at work within” me I CAN become that godly woman even more so than I envision. “To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Eph 3:20-21)
Here is the link to the song God brought to my memory this morning:
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